Why I Take Vacations Without My Kids (and Why You Should Too)

My first vacation without Rylie was when she was just 7 months old. I was still exclusively breastfeeding, and it was one of my best friend’s bachelorette parties in Nashville. I almost didn’t go. The mom guilt was real, and breastfeeding guilt? Even stronger.

I worried constantly: What if she doesn’t recognize me when I come back? What if she needs me and I’m not there?

But I had plenty of milk stored (shout out to my two extra pumping sessions I added every day), and I had to trust that the people around me had it covered. I didn’t realize how much I needed a break to not be a mom, or a wife, or an employee. Just to be a girl. I was just a girl, in Nashville, in boots, with zero responsibilities for 72 hours. It was scary, but freeing. And once I got there, I felt the shift.

It made me realize I can love my kids deeply and still need time away from them.

The Mental Load No One Prepares You For

As a full-time working mom, burnout doesn’t come with flashing lights. It creeps in quietly.

For me, burnout looks like:

• Constant overstimulation

• Disassociating

• Mindless scrolling

• Low energy and motivation

• Being easily agitated

• Resentment toward my husband

When I start struggling to regulate my emotions, just like my toddlers, I know I need a reset. If I’m dragging myself to complete basic work tasks or getting irritated at Julian for small things, those are my signs.

Learning to Say, “I Need a Break”

Julian and I talk a lot about “cups.” When my cup feels empty, I try to say it out loud instead of silently pushing through. Moms are experts at pouring from empty cups, but I’ve learned I can’t keep doing that.

Yes, baths help. But they’re just a band-aid. What I really need sometimes is space. A dinner with girlfriends. A quiet hour to walk alone. A weekend where I’m not responsible for anyone’s schedule but mine.

Reconnecting With Me

These trips, whether it’s a getaway with my husband, a girls trip, or time with my mom, give me space to reconnect with the parts of myself that don’t revolve around nap schedules or sippy cups. I get time to breathe without the voice in my head reminding me I “should” be doing something.

When I come home, I’m better. More present. More patient. I have new energy, fresh goals, and perspective. I’m not drained. I’m ready.

And that benefits everyone, especially my kids.

What I Hope My Kids Understand

One day, I hope Rylie and Easton understand why I do this. That my mental health matters too. That in order to be a highly productive human most of the time, I need to take a little bit of time to focus on me, on my relationship with their dad, or with the people who matter most to me.

I love them fiercely, but taking care of myself is part of taking care of them.

For the Moms Who Feel Guilty

If you feel guilty even thinking about a trip without your kids, I see you. But here’s the truth: your needs matter too. To show up fully for our kids, we have to carry our own emotional weight. And if we’re not careful, we’ll accidentally pass that weight onto them before they’re strong enough to carry it.

We need to be well so we can help them be well.

Making Kid-Free Trips Happen

I’m fortunate to have both sets of grandparents nearby who love spending time with my kids. If that’s not your reality, consider:

• Building a network through local mom groups

• Trading time with a trusted friend

• Asking siblings or extended family

We weren’t meant to raise kids without a village, so build one.

Balancing Family and Self-Care Travel

Each year, we budget and plan for both.

• A family trip, usually early in the year when we all need a break after the holiday stress

• A couples trip in September for our anniversary

• A solo trip for Julian, usually with his dad

• And one for me, either with my mom, my sister, or a girls trip with friends

  
  

It’s not always easy. But it’s always worth it.

If you’re a mom reading this, consider this your permission slip.

Take the trip.

Fill your cup.

You deserve the love you freely give others.

Not in spite of being a mom, but because you are one.